Losing your Identiy once you have become a Parent.

Really, losing your Identity, yes big time. I have been ASAH mum now for three years and boy have I quite frankly had enough. Don't get me wrong this is the best job in the world, you just don't get paid for it. Once upon a time I was a bouncing energetic overenthusiastic career woman who loved going to work. Well not all the time. Now well I cook, clean, look after and nurture my children 24/7. Hard work is not the correct words, just exhausting. I love my kids but it is finally time for some me time. My husband and I have only been out twice in nearly 4 years. We both do not have any hobbies or have friends come over of an evening. It seems like a very lonely life. It is worsted by not having our best friends or family close by.

I have been feeling really low recently and angry. I could not understand why I felt like this until I realised that I feel quite normal and being a STHM will indeed make you feel like you have lost who you are!!!

To be continued.................

Not enough time in the day!!!

I really do not know why I thought it would be a good idea to have a blog, where will I find the time.
Not only have I got three children under three, I have just undertaken a part time evening job cleaning. Yes I do have enough cleaning in the house to do. However I just need to get out of the house for a while every day just to keep my sanity.

Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone

Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone

Home

Home

The Unperfect Mummy: Guilt and other negative emotions...

The Unperfect Mummy: Guilt and other negative emotions...

You Cannot Not Communicate

Great Article on marriage and communication


http://www.simplemarriage.net/you-cannot-not-communicate.html#more-7027:

Tips for mummies with three kids under three

Wives who want everything “spotless” become the most irritable ones

http://marriage.ygoy.com/how-to-deal-with-a-lazy-husband/How To Deal With A Lazy Husband?: Do you like everything to be spick and span in your house, but your husband isn’thelping you? 

So cross at this article...SAHM do not work as hard as working mums Really!!!!

Why do stay at home mothers complain so much?

There are so many mothers that wish they can stay home but have to work, sometimes two jobs to take care of their kids.

• 2 years ago
• Report Abuse

Additional Details

Oh yeah and stay at home mothers don't work as hard as working mothers. Working mothers have to work 8 hours a day and then come home and do what stay-at-home mothers do.

2 years ago

I don't even have children. It just bothers me when I have seen my mother and many other women struggling to work and take of their kids and stay at home moms complain when they don't have it as nearly bad.

2 years ago

For those of you telling me to get a job, I do have a very good job and I am working on my master's degree. I am probably more educated than all of you.
I have worked since I was 16 years old and I am proud of it.

Once I do get married and have children, I am going to appreciate being able to be a stay at home mother because I will know what it is like to have a JOB, something many of you have never had.

2 years ago

To I heart avacados: I was also a caseworker for the Department of Children and Services and it was actually my first job out of college. What's your point?

You women on here are so mad about my comment and I am glad. Maybe you will stop complaining how bad your life is as a stay at home mother. Be grateful and show more appreciation to working mothers.

2 years ago

Moon

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

I worked for the first year of my son's life and I was miserable!!! My son stayed at my mother-in-law's house while my husband and I worked full time jobs.

When my daughter was born, we found out that my mother-in-law was physically abusing my son. We fired her and my husband and I decided that it would be best if I stayed home with the kids.

I love being a stay at home mom! In my circumstance, I believe that working mothers have it harder than I do. I think I have it pretty easy with the kids and every day feels like a weekend. I would NEVER complain about being a SAHM. I love my "job"!

• 2 years ago

"Work-Life Balance: A Working Father's Perspective."

Introduction: 

The term “work life balance” has become synonymous with “mommy overload.” And why not?  Record numbers of women are in pursuit of full time careers and they are still carrying the bulk of the domestic load at home.[1]  Women have also been the great advocates for work-life balance.  Decades of lobbying from working mothers has resulted in parental leave, flex time options, working from home and other government and workplace policy change designed to alleviate the task of balancing work and family.

 Growing and emerging research, however, would tell a different story:  more men than women are saying that work life and family life are interfering with each other.[2]  Men on average still spend more time at work than women,[3]  but the workplace has done little to recognize the changing needs of men at home. In short, men are about 40 years behind women when it comes to work life balance and many are stuck between paradigms.

 This document is not designed to fuel a gender war. Work life balance is neither a working mothers’ nor a working fathers’ issue. It’s not even uniquely a nuclear family issue.  Single people with disabilities need better work life balance. Same sex couples with aging parents need better work life balance. Indeed, if the Millennial generation is to be listened to, they expect better work life balance. 

 Given the wide scope and potential ramifications of this problem, it is short sighted to continually view the challenges of work life balance through the narrow lens of working mothers.  To do so, in fact, might be detrimental to the cause. It is my own personal conviction that women will continue to come up against the glass ceiling until more men feel comfortable saying, “Sure, I’ll drastically cut back my hours so my wife can climb the corporate ladder.”   This is the oft overlooked part of the feminist movement which was so accurately foreseen by Gloria Steinem when she said, “Women will not be taken seriously outside the home until men are taken seriously in it.”

 The purpose of this project is simple: bring the voices and perspectives of working fathers to the table.  Some employers will resist the evidence that adopting work life balance friendly policies can save industry $15 billion annually[4].  Others will embrace the changes and surely come out ahead of the competition. The vast majority, at least in the short term, will inadvertently overlook or undervalue the changing needs of working fathers, to the detriment of their employees and their bottom line. As such, I applaud Vancity Credit Union and Clearly Contacts for having the foresight to recognize the importance of this issue in the workplace and our communities, and the business savvy to turn a potential HR issue into a competitive advantage.  Without their participation and leadership, this work would not have been possible.http://www.bettermensolutions.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1217

Kids and Restless Leg Syndrome

Expert Pediatrics Q&A

By Vincent Iannelli, M.D., About.com Guide

Updated August 20, 2006

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

See More About:

·         symptoms of restless leg syndrome

·         treatments for restless leg syndrome

·         rls

·         growing pains

·         iron deficiency anemia

Q. Can kids get restless leg syndrome?

A. Restless leg syndrome is usually thought of as an adult disorder, so it is likely that many Pediatricians are not familiar with it.

However, according to the Restless Leg Syndrome Foundation, 'an estimated 1.5 million children and adolescents' are thought to have RLS and it is thought that 'RLS symptoms often begin during childhood or adolescence.'

What is Restless Leg Syndrome?

The National Institutes of Health states that 'restless legs syndrome (RLS) is a sensory disorder causing an almost irresistible urge to move the legs. The urge to move is usually due to unpleasant feelings in the legs that occur when at rest. People with RLS use words such as creeping, crawling, tingling, or burning to describe these feelings. Moving the legs eases the feelings, but only for a while.'

And having Restless Leg Syndrome can make it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep.

Symptoms of Restless Leg Syndrome

The major symptoms for a child with restless legs syndrome include:

·         an almost irresistible urge to move their legs or arms when they are sitting or lying down, including pacing, walking, stretching, flexing, tossing, turning, jiggling their legs, or rubbing their legs

·         unpleasant feelings in their legs, which can lead to difficultly falling asleep or stay asleep, including creeping, crawling, itching, tingling, burning, aching, pain, etc.

·         daytime symptoms from a lack of sleep, including daytime sleepiness

Keep in mind that children may find the unpleasant feelings hard to describe or they may describe their symptoms differently than adults do, and some children who are diagnosed with growing pains may actually have restless leg syndrome, especially if there is a family history of RLS.

There may also be some association between restless leg syndrome and ADHD.

Diagnosis of Restless Leg Syndrome

Although there is no formal blood test that can help to diagnose restless leg syndrome, if your child can answer yes to the following four questions, then according to the NIH, he does have all of the conditions for a diagnosis of restless leg syndrome and he may to see a Pediatric Neurologist for further evaluation and treatment:

1.        Do you have an urge to move the legs due to an unpleasant feeling in your legs?

2.        Is the urge to move your legs, or the unpleasant feelings in your legs, begin or gets worse when you are at rest or not moving around frequently?

3.        Is the urge to move your legs, or the unpleasant feelings in your legs, partly or completely relieved by movement (such as walking or stretching) for as long as the movement continues?

4.        Is the urge to move your legs, or the unpleasant feelings in your legs, worse in the evening and at night, or does it only occur in the evening or at night?

What You Need To Know

·         Restless leg syndrome does tend to run in families. 

·         People with RLS often also have Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, in which their legs uncontrollably twitch or jerk every 10 to 60 seconds, usually during sleep. 

·         It is not known what causes RLS, but it can be secondary to iron deficiency anemia and some other medical conditions and as a side effect of taking antidepressants, antinausea medicines, antiseizure medicines, and some allergy and cold medicines. RLS can also sometimes be triggered by alcohol, caffeine, and tobacco.

·         RLS can be treated with lifestyle changes and medicines. 

A Mothers Intuition by Faith Stone

Almost every mom will tell you that she has a special sense about knowing what is right for her child and family. Some believe that moms have a bond so strong with their children that they have an intuitive way of knowing when their children are at risk.

Unfortunately, many mothers have been trained to ignore this voice, trusting that surely educational experts and child psychologists know more and better than we do. While I believe it is possible to gain a wealth of knowledge from the experts, I don't think that anyone is more likely to love a child as much as the child's mother and father. And in this way, the parent is uniquely qualified to be the expert on what is best for their child. My daughter and I read together every night, one of my favorite children's story books is Hazel’s Amazing Mother, by Rosemary Wells. In this story, a young girl (really a young badger girl) finds herself lost on the way home from the store. While crossing through the park, she encounters a group of bullies who ruin her doll and throw the doll carriage into the pond. Hazel cries out, “Mom, I need you!”

On the other side of town, Hazel’s mother abruptly stops what she is doing and looks up. A sudden gust of wind lifts a blanket from the clothesline. Momma badger grabs hold of a corner of the blanket and is carried parachute-style to the park where she lands in the tree above Hazel, unbeknownst to the bullies. In a deep voice, she calls out for the bullies to fix Hazel's doll and retrieve her baby carriage. The frightened bullies think it's a voice from above and hurriedly obey orders. As they run off, Hazel's mom drops down from the tree and gives Hazel a big hug.

A close friend of mine suffered abuse from an older brother for years. Once her mother witnessed this, and, horrified, talked to a child psychologist. The well-meaning expert assured her, neither talking to my friend nor her brother, that it was surely a one-time incident. Desperately wanting to believe that, her mother lived in denial of the problem for years. Had her mother listened to her intuition, her gut feeling, she could have saved my friend years of abuse.

Not all potential problems are as severe as this story but listening to your intuition can greatly help your child. While in Hawaii on vacation last month, my six-year-old daughter suffered swollen gums from a loose tooth. That morning, we made an appointment to have the tooth pulled at an emergency, same-day dental service. My daughter was nervous, asking that I hold her hand during the procedure.

The dentist’s office was chilly and impersonal. The receptionist seemed preoccupied, handing my husband and I forms to fill out. A technician came to get my daughter. When I said that I’d come along, she replied that it was not allowed. My husband and I felt very uncomfortable in the waiting area - neither of us with our daughter in a situation that was scary for her. The dentist came out in a few minutes and told us that he was an oral surgeon. An alarm went off inside me. I told him I didn’t want her put under anesthesia to pull a tooth, and that it was important to me to hold her hand. He cut me off, “Absolutely not! We don't do that kind of thing here.”

My husband and I decided to take our business elsewhere.

We went to another dentist. On the phone making the appointment, I asked if I could hold my daughter’s hand. They said, “Of course, that helps the kids feel better.” When we went into the office, it was all of sunny, warm colors with a child-size table, a basket of toys and children's books. The dentist, Dr. Ann Marie, told my daughter about her kids and the tooth fairy. I could tell my daughter was relaxed by the way she crossed her feet. What a difference! What is the harm in being there to hold your child's hand, if that's what they want, as they lose their first baby tooth?

Maybe nothing would have gone wrong with the first dentist. Even without me there, even if he used anesthesia, most likely nothing would have gone wrong. And the only side effect would have been that my daughter could have a life-long fear of the dentist. On the other hand, what if something did go wrong and my daughter suffered injury from the anesthesia? How could I live with myself knowing that I had that uncomfortable warning feeling in my gut and chose to ignore it? I would rather suffer being considered overprotective by a stranger than put my precious daughter at risk.

As moms, we need to reclaim our special unique ability, our women's intuition, when it comes to our children and family. When it comes to our kids, listen to your heart instead of the opinions of well-meaning outsiders. More often than not, we can save the day for our young ones. And even when the victories are minor, we are still the heroes of our young children. The greatest reward of listening to my intuition comes from my own daughter. She knows that I go with my feelings in regard to her safety and that I'll listen to her feelings about the same. She knows I won't force her into a situation that makes me uncomfortable because of what someone else thinks. This gives her a strong feeling of security. She knows mom and dad are protecting her.

Today as I worked at my computer, she came in the room and climbed into my lap. She said, "When you are sweet to me, the way you come whenever I call for you, it makes me feel kind of sleepy and good and warm." I kissed her on the forehead and said, "That feeling is called warm fuzzies. I love you so much. I will always try to be there for you." I will listen to my mother’s intuition, the natural gift every mother has for protecting her most precious gift. 

Faith Stone is the director of Shoshoni Yoga Retreat in Rollinsville, Colo., and the author of The Shoshoni Cookbook. Related Articles

A Mothers Intuitionhttp://www.thebabycorner.com/page/100/

Tongue Tie Site not to be missed!!!

This is an amazing site passed on by an amazing Lady Jacqui Stronach - Supporter,Tutor, Superviser of the Breastfeeding Network . I did cry a lot of tears reading all the stories of other mums who have been through the same horrible TT journey as me!!!
One thought is staying in my mind and that is that the NHS do not take this seriously enough and think breastfeeding is not important.

Sleep Deprivation not taken seriously enough

What Baby Zone has to say,

What new mom isn't overwhelmed by lack of sleep? Get tips on how to combat these early, hazy days.

Sleep deprivation is no joke. Although veteran moms regale their peers with stories of falling asleep at dinner or groggily loading dirty clothes into the dishwasher, many new moms bravely assume they can tough it out for a few more weeks. But the fact is this: Sleep is a vital component in the health of all living things. It's how the body physically and mentally repairs itself. Sleep is so important to our well-being that humans will rapidly deteriorate and die within a week of sleeplessness.

http://www.babyzone.com/mom_dad/womens_health/sleep_mom/article/fighting-sleep-deprivation

http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/1690

http://www.babycenter.com/0_coping-with-sleep-deprivation_7968.bc

Ann Dobson - Lactation Consultant- An amazing lady!!!

http://www.ann-dobson.co.uk/breastfeeding_problems.html

http://www.ann-dobson.co.uk/breastfeeding_problems.html

Analytical Armadillo: Top Ten Tongue Tie Myths...

Analytical Armadillo: Top Ten Tongue Tie Myths...

Attached Upper Lip Frenulum

All three of my children have quite bad attached Upper Lip Frenulum so this will need sorting out, gosh another thing to fight the NHS about. Hopefully I will be able to find a dentist to do a Upper Lip Frenulum and Circumcision. 

Has anyone had any experiences with this?

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/651395/what_is_an_attached_upper_lip_frenulum.html?cat=25

All three of my children have quite bad attached Upper Lip Frenulum so this will need sorting out, gosh another thing to fight the NHS about. Hopefully I will be able to find a dentist to do a Upper Lip Frenulum and Circumcision. 

Has anyone had any experiences with this?

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/651395/what_is_an_attached_upper_lip_frenulum.html?cat=25

Always Fighting the NHS - Tongue Tie

I was a Project Manager who gave up her career to have children. I am now a mum of three children under three, Thomas 3 years, Jesiica nearly 2 years and baby Wilson 6 months old. I have fully breastfeed all three of my children however I am really struggling with Wilson. I suspect he has Tongue Tie (Postirea Tongue Tie, Type 4). However various professional have told me otherwise.


I have started this blog as I feel there are so many other mums out there going through the same heart breaking stress as me.


I am unsure where I will find the time to wrote this blog as I am so busy just keeping afloat with the chidren and household chores. Oh and I am also trying to set up my own business so I do not have to go back to a horrible part-time evening job in September. 


Ok also, not forgetting my wonderful husband Ben who is of course amazing but, unfortunately still gets ignored and shouted at by me when I am stressed.


Please feel free to write any comments or thoughts, until my next free ten minutes when I can write again see you soon xxx

Mum of three children under three

Any mums out there who are in the same boat as me. Would like to hear how you get through life's little challenges?

Breast feeding Issues

Here is another great site.http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2011/01/posterior-tongue-tie.html

Amazing Document about Tonguehttp://www.brianpalmerdds.com/pdf/frenum_pdf.pdf Tie

Possible Tongue Tie

What a nightmare journey.

http://www.breastfeeding-problems.com/suck-problems.html

More details to follow